Infatuation

Before I thought infatuation only exist in elementary to high school days. A lot of us think that if we feel in love that’s it. Were in love. Infatuation for me the first stage of being in love. This is the stage where we make our decision if we should go into a relationship or just stay as good friends with that person. 

For now I can say that I can feel infatuated towards this person. He makes me smile all the time, I feel safe and comfortable with him. We have endless stories together. If we didn’t talk for sometime I do miss him. When my phone beeps, I wish it was him. Even if we sometimes got nothing to talk about we still talk about nonsense things which we’ll just laugh about it. I admit I haven’t known this person for a long time. If I were to count the days that we’ve known each other it’s only three weeks or so. Weird eh? The first time we talked, it feels like I’ve known him forever. Sounds cheesy, but it’s real. The sweetest thing he ever told me was “Look outside, the moon is so nice.” I know it means nothing, but I feel jitters inside me when I read that message.

If he were to ask me directly if we can be together, as much as I want to say “Yes, I’d love to.” There’s something in me that holds me back to say those words. Not just some things but A LOT OF THINGS. I’m still using my brain to weigh, if it’ll work out or not. I’ve been saying this for the nth time. I don’t want to invest in a relationship which will just end in no time. There are a lot of complications if we become a couple. Honestly, I don’t want to have a complicated life. Who would dare have one, right? But as I weigh things over and over, a part of me says endure those things if you really do love him. A part of me says no because it won’t work. As a woman, I also dream of walking down the church aisle with my man. But if I were to be with him, my dream would be impossible. Yes, he’s separated. His previous marriage was not annulled. He had three kids with his wife. His eldest daughter lives with him and the other two is with his wife’s custody. I keep on asking myself if I am ready to be a step mom of his kids, until now I still don’t have answer for it. And oh, our age gap. He’s fourteen years senior than I am which for me is no big deal at all. I know my family would not accept us because of those things I mentioned earlier. My friends maybe. A lot of people will be judgmental. 

Society pressure.

Apples & Wine

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that isn’t as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the *%&# out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

this is not an original entry.

The Hard Lessons on Love and Men

I should always read this whenever I feel down.

1. A man won’t let go if he really loves you.

Do not hold on to someone who has let go of you. He does not love you and does not value having you. Believe me, he will not let go if he really loves you. There is another reason he is not willing to tell.

2. Do not look for reasons why he ended the relationship.

There is only one reason why he ended your relationship. He just does not love you. Do not waste your time thinking of reasons or what you should have done. Move on and be open to a man who will truly love you.

3. Do not get hung up on your past.

Do not nag or distrust your current boyfriend just because your ex hurt you. Do not treat him or the relationship the same way. Do not compare. He will not react the same way as your ex. Do not be worried that your simple mistakes will cause him to look for another girl. What happened with your ex was not your fault. It was not because you didn’t guard him enough or you didn’t make him happy enough.

4. Do not look into images.

How many times have you met a girl who didn’t have the best image in school or at the office, but you get to know the girl and found out she was actually extremely nice? Do not rely on images. Oftentimes, it is far from reality. Do not fear men just because your “supposedly” perfect ex-boyfriend mistreated you.

5. Always have your own set of rules.

Set your limits on how far you’d go for a guy. It’s perfectly ok to give and do everything as long as it’s worth it. And it’s worth it if the guy is treating you right.

6. Do not be scared to lose him.

Don’t be scared that he’ll break up with you. Once you are afraid of losing him, you easily can be taken advantage. Be strong and if something is unacceptable, do not accept it and speak up.

7. Avoid calling your guy.

It’s a guy thing. The relationship will definitely be better if it’s the guy who’s calling, not the girl. He will get tired of you if you keep on calling. He will lose interest and challenge. More so, he will get annoyed. But it’s a girl thing also that your fingers get too itchy until you dial his number. But avoid as much as possible. Call only if really needed (like checking if your suspicions are reasonable).

8. There is a guy who will value you.

There is a guy out there who can make you feel valued, appreciated, and loved. And I mean, not just during your first few weeks together. So don’t lose hope. Don’t settle for a lesbian if you are not attracted to women. There is a man out there who can love you like a girl can.

Also, do not believe him when he says it’s just the way he really is. He’s not the sweet or expressive-type. Remember during your first few weeks together? Where has that sweet guy gone? He simply is not that into you anymore.

9. Always be the only one, no matter what.

Do not ever fall for a guy who has another girl, be it his wife, girlfriend, or any girl that he says he just can’t get rid of for whatever reason. If you truly believe that he loves you and for some reason, he can’t leave or let go of another girl, then you are no different from any ordinary mistress.

10. He must respect you.

No matter how long the relationship has been, he should always show respect towards you.

11. If he fooled you, end it.

Philandering once is enough. You can never trust nor respect the person again.

12. Never start a relationship the wrong way.

Do not steal another girl’s man, for whatever reason. Nor should you enter a relationship for the wrong reasons (loneliness, on the rebound, getting back at your ex, man-dependency, etc.) it is bound not to last. You will only end up wasting more years of your life.

13. Do not force yourself into a relationship.

Do not get into a relationship just because your friends are getting impatient with your dating escapades and the one hasn’t come yet. Do not choose who to say yes to based on superficial things like money, looks, cars, etc.. If you are even thinking of these things, you have not fallen in love yet.

14. Do not settle.

If you are not happy anymore with your relationship, break up instantly. He will not stay with you forever no matter how upright he might seem to be. Eventually, he will also want love and happiness in his life.

15. A relationship has to have love.

Love is the only thing that will push you to give your efforts into making the relationship work. And believe me, keeping a relationship requires genuine efforts of both parties.

16. Don’t be afraid to be single.

It’s fun to be single, try it. You can go out whenever and wherever you want. You are free. You can date whomever you want and you get to go out for free! Do not get a boyfriend just for the sake of having one. Do not settle.

17. Be a good girl.

Be a good girl to attract a good guy. Enter the relationship with sincere intentions. Take the guy and the relationship seriously with the plan of spending the rest of your life with that person (of course, this is after you had your bit of fun in your younger years). If you compare your flings from your real relationships, you will know that the latter makes you happier and more fulfilled.

18. Love without limits.

Whether you loved and gave everything or loved but held out for some things, if the relationship ends, you still get hurt. But if you gave your everything, you were happy and you could say that it was worth it. If you didn’t give your all, you get hurt for nothing.

19. You will get over him.

Love is over-stated. Love eventually ends and you are free to love another.

20. Be the one.

Act like you are the one. Don’t be a nagger. Don’t hinder his gimmicks. Don’t give in to him too easily. Make him treat you as important. Don’t be easy. Don’t be like every other girl he had in his life.

this is not an original entry.

I am what I am

Things that I Love (:

I love God
I love myself
I love shopping
I love bags
I love shoes
I love my long hair
I love mineral make-up
I love my collection of rouge
I love perfumes
I love pearls
I love havs
I love painting my nails
I love surprises
I love talking
I love sleep-overs
I love cramming
I love my WD
I love Toshie
I love to sing in the shower
I love to use my brush as a microphone
I love daydreamin of my man (I don't even know him yet)
I love long driving
I love to be treated like a princess (who doesn't)
I love those people who got sense of humor
I love photography
I love movies
I love reminiscin'
I love sunset
I love yellow
I love charms

...Am I complicated?

I don't know.

I am no professional write, or whatsoever. I just want to write what I feel, I want to vent out things inside my mind.

I'm confused with myself. I don't understand what I want, what I want to do. I feel empty inside. I feel alone. I feel scared. I'm sad. People see me now as a happy person. They just don't know how I really feel inside of me. Maybe I'm just bored, can't talk to anyone that's why I feel this way. Sometimes I feel extremely happy, then suddenly I'm feeling sad. I'm not crazy or anything. Mood swings? Maybe. I really don't know, I have no concrete answers for my questions. One reason I'm thinking now why I feel this way is because of pressure. Pressure from my own self. I don't know if you'll consider it desperate, because it feels like I pressure myself much to look for the right guy for me. I know I am still young, also I am not getting any younger. In my stage of life now I should have already set some goals or priorities in life. I try to meet different people in all walks of life, some are old, some are young, some are just the same as my age. I realized something about myself, I am looking for a man who is established. Having a relationship is not all about love. When you're hungry you can't eat love, balance of thinking (being wise) and love is necessary in a relationship. Well that's my point of view. Every guy that I meet will like somewhat slip into my mind thinking is he the one? If I were to count how many times I did it would be endless. I'm not saying all guys that I've met. But some of them that I made a connection with. But up until now I still can't tell if who's the one? I can't stop myself for looking,is he is the one, he is the one? points everywhere. I'm tired of investing in a long relationship that will end after sometime. Been there done that a couple of times. I am telling myself to choose wisely. I tell myself to stop rushing and looking for him. But sometimes I just can't stop myself. To all the girls and guys out there who've met their right one, I'm happy for you. To all those who are still looking the same way as I do, good luck to us.

PS. Is there anyone out there can teach me how to choose the right ones from the wrong ones?